colton
07 February 2009 @ 03:48 am
sisyphus  
It's been so long; I barely even remember writing the last few posts. I guess I should say I'm doing a lot better since then.

I wondered whether it was going to work full time over the summer, or moving out, or going back to school that pushed me back into an at least somewhat productive state of existence. I'd like to believe, though, that those steps weren't so much steps taken at all, but product of a gathering and release of momentum.

That analogy highlights my cycle of being and doing: I lie fallow for a period of time lamenting my lack of productivity until I can no longer take it, and I finally rush off in a frenzy to do everything at once. As soon as I'm mentally or physically exhausted, or both, the cycle repeats.

The cycle is sort of like a fractal, I guess. It applies generally to my mood and energy over a period of months: I'm lazy and unhappy until a certain point where the anxiety and missed opportunities, deadlines, and bills pile up to a breaking point. I then try to fix everything at once, make progress, then sink slowly and subtly back into ennui. It then applies on a more frequent schedule by weeks: My car and my house fall into a sort of funk as junk, trash, and clothes pile up, followed by a one-night cleaning frenzy, repeated every two weeks or so.
 
Current Music: Fever Ray - Seven
 
 
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From:silicone_youth
Date:February 11th, 2009 - 02:10 am
 
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